Emily (Age 28, She/Her)

I should have been diagnosed as a child, but I didn't learn that I am autistic until my own son was diagnosed. I realized that I checked almost all of the boxes on every autism test, formal and informal. It was such a relief! I'm not stupid; my brain just works differently. I'm not less able than other women and mothers; I'm just exhausted from masking and trying to be productive and normal in a society that values someone's contributions at the expense of her health. 

When I tell people I'm autistic, I get some variation of "But you don't look autistic" or "Really??? But you can make eye contact!" I don't present stereotypically (or maybe I do, but I forced myself to learn to make eye contact and not flap my hands in public). I am the epitome of "nice Midwestern mom," and I make friends easily - both things that clash with people's perceptions of autism! 

Autism for me means I get overstimulated much faster than others do (among other things, but this is my biggest struggle). I have to parcel out socialization time, and I have to make sure I get adequate alone time daily. I work part-time as a postpartum doula, which is perfect for my flavor of autism. 

Being an autistic Jew can be difficult and beautiful. It’s difficult because the focus on in-person community can be draining for me, but the encouragement to ask hard questions and be a lifelong learner is wonderful. I also find that the mitzvot (commandments) and autism work well together; there's always a new mitzvah to try taking on.